ahead of absolutely all else,
the apex of alphabetical arrangement.
Some alternative animals are agitated
acrimonious or even apoplectic
although a few are actually ambivalent.
Bison, being bolshie,
bemoan every bit of bloody bullshit
being bunged at them.
Brainy, but belittled because their breed
sounds like basin in broad Brummie,
the big buggers are bothered by bullying,
but blasé about Brexit.
Conversely, cats are casually content
‘cause they can’t comprehend or care
about concepts categorising creatures
as they carelessly claw chunks
from the cutis of Clarissa.
Dogs demand different definitions.
Don’t dare diss Dalmations or Dobermans.
Doing dem down is downright dangerous,
dallying with disaster, dicing with death.
Don’t do it!
Every elephant eats enormously
is easy going over extraneous elements
Some endure ears even more excessive
than my extraordinary eyesores.
Foxes are furious.
Forever affiliated with fake “facts”
fanks to that fascist fart’s favourite
fuckwittery flinging faecal fiction factory,
they feel fully fucked over by fate.
Giraffes go gazing over gigantic gates,
getting glimpses of gloriously gorgeous greenery.
Grandma giraffes gasp and go gaga
for glamorous Gary, the great
ginormous gigolo of giraffedom.
Humans, horrifically heartless,
hold heavy handed influence on the hereafter.
Has anything any hope?
Heaven help the helpless as our habitat
hovers on a holocaust.
Idle rhyme in iambic lines.
In fact, immensely incompatible.
It’s irrational imagining interspecies intercourse.
Jellyfish just take joy in jeopardising
enjoyment of jolly seaside jaunts.
Jackass jerks! Jeez, jellyfish. Just…?
Kangaroos can kick in a kerfuffle.
Kevin was killed by a king size kanga.
keeled over after a kick in the knackers.
Probably Karma. Kevin was a knucklehead.
Loveable llamas live longish lives.
Adam the llama is ludicrously lucky
and earns lots of lolly playing for Liverpool
living in luxury, however unlikely.
Meerkats are members of the mongoose family.
Magnificent, memorable, meek,
mild mannered and matey,
yet multiple meerkats make a mob.
Many make money
measuring the merits of markets.
Nightingales are notable for singing nicely.
Now, new evidence
names nightingale songs as nakedly noxious
in their nature, never neglecting nastiness
and nearly nihilistic.
In a nutshell, our notion of the nature
of the nightingale has been naïve.
They need the nourishment of notoriety.
Ocelots oscillate between
outrageously obnoxious and out and out ordinary.
Only occasionally observably obvious,
one once openly organised ocelot orgies
in zoos near Oldham and Ormskirk.
Pity poor Percy Polecat,
perpetrating powerfully pernicious pongs
projecting poor perceptions of Percy
and producing puking from people.
Quagga, quetzal, quokha.
Qwyst Almighty! Quite a quandary.
Quality over quantity.
Quickly quashing Q.
Roland Rat’s revolting.
Roger Rabbit’s reproducing.
Rudolph the red nosed reindeer.
Rhinos rarely read romance
to relax on railways.
Squirrels are stupid.
Syril the squirrel sometimes seems sensible
then says something silly,
suggesting some sort of shortcoming
in syntactical skills
and substandard schooling.
Tangerine textured tosspot,
totally tactless toxic tyrant.
Timber-brained temper tantrum trendsetter
to the terrible twos.
Upupa epops. Upupa? u pupa.
Vicunas. Very very very fast.
Vanish at velocity. Vroom.
Victory for wisdom versus valour.
Wallabies wannabe wonderful.
Well, who or what wouldn’t?
I wish I was a wizard
waving wands at woes.
Wish away, wallaby wankers.
Xanthareel, xantis, xantu, xenons
xenarthra, xerus, xiphosuran.
All x-rated, xtremely awkward
xylophone playing xerox copying xenophobes
to make Xavier X-asperated!
Yaks of yesteryear yearned to learn to yodel.
Yes, efforts yielded tiny yaps
and yelps that travelled yards,
yet yaks are yet to yodel.
Young yaks do yoga instead.
Zebras are ztripey, not zigzagged.
Zoom in on Zelda driving a Zephyr,
zipping away from the zoo,
Zelda’s zister Zoe Zebra zonked out