Aardvark appears

ahead of absolutely all else,

the apex of alphabetical arrangement.

Some alternative animals are agitated

acrimonious or even apoplectic

although a few are actually ambivalent.


Bison, being bolshie,

bemoan every bit of bloody bullshit

being bunged at them.

Brainy, but belittled because their breed

sounds like basin in broad Brummie,

the big buggers are bothered by bullying,

but blasé about Brexit.


Conversely, cats are casually content

‘cause they can’t comprehend or care

about concepts categorising creatures

as they carelessly claw chunks

from the cutis of Clarissa.


Dogs demand different definitions.

Don’t dare diss Dalmations or Dobermans.

Doing dem down is downright dangerous,

dallying with disaster, dicing with death.
Don’t do it!


Every elephant eats enormously

is easy going over extraneous elements

and etymology.

Some endure ears even more excessive

than my extraordinary eyesores.


Foxes are furious.

Forever affiliated with fake “facts”

fanks to that fascist fart’s favourite

fuckwittery flinging faecal fiction factory,
Fox news,

they feel fully fucked over by fate.


Giraffes go gazing over gigantic gates,

getting glimpses of gloriously gorgeous greenery.

Grandma giraffes gasp and go gaga

for glamorous Gary, the great

ginormous gigolo of giraffedom.


Humans, horrifically heartless,

hold heavy handed influence on the hereafter.

Has anything any hope?
Heaven help the helpless as our habitat

hovers on a holocaust.


Impalas, iguanas.
Idle rhyme in iambic lines.
In fact, immensely incompatible.

It’s irrational imagining interspecies intercourse.
Idiotic idea!


Jellyfish just take joy in jeopardising

enjoyment of jolly seaside jaunts.

Jackass jerks! Jeez, jellyfish. Just…?


Kangaroos can kick in a kerfuffle.

Kevin was killed by a king size kanga.

keeled over after a kick in the knackers.

Probably Karma. Kevin was a knucklehead.


Loveable llamas live longish lives.

Adam the llama is ludicrously lucky

and earns lots of lolly playing for Liverpool

living in luxury, however unlikely.


Meerkats are members of the mongoose family.

Magnificent, memorable, meek,

mild mannered and matey,

yet multiple meerkats make a mob.

Many make money

measuring the merits of markets.


Nightingales are notable for singing nicely.

Now, new evidence

names nightingale songs as nakedly noxious

in their nature, never neglecting nastiness

and nearly nihilistic.

In a nutshell, our notion of the nature

of the nightingale has been naïve.

They need the nourishment of notoriety.


Ocelots oscillate between

outrageously obnoxious and out and out ordinary.

Only occasionally observably obvious,

one once openly organised ocelot orgies

in zoos near Oldham and Ormskirk.


Pity poor Percy Polecat,

perpetrating powerfully pernicious pongs

projecting poor perceptions of Percy

and producing puking from people.

Q…. Hmmm

Quagga, quetzal, quokha.

Qwyst Almighty! Quite a quandary.

Quality over quantity.
Quickly quashing Q.


Roland Rat’s revolting.

Roger Rabbit’s reproducing.

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer.

Rocky raccoon.

Rhinos rarely read romance

to relax on railways.


Squirrels are stupid.

Syril the squirrel sometimes seems sensible

then says something silly,

suggesting some sort of shortcoming

in syntactical skills

and substandard schooling.

The Trump.


Tangerine textured tosspot,

totally tactless toxic tyrant.

Timber-brained temper tantrum trendsetter

to the terrible twos.
Trashy tramp.


Upupa epops. Upupa? u pupa.

Use usuperdooperpooperscooper.

Undeniably unique.

Vicunas. Very very very fast.

Vanish at velocity. Vroom.

Victory for wisdom versus valour.


Wallabies wannabe wonderful.

Well, who or what wouldn’t?

I wish I was a wizard

waving wands at woes.

Wish away, wallaby wankers.


Xanthareel, xantis, xantu, xenons

xenarthra, xerus, xiphosuran.

All x-rated, xtremely awkward

xylophone playing xerox copying xenophobes

to make Xavier X-asperated!


Yaks of yesteryear yearned to learn to yodel.

Yes, efforts yielded tiny yaps

and yelps that travelled yards,

yet yaks are yet to yodel.

Young yaks do yoga instead.


Zebras are ztripey, not zigzagged.

Zoom in on Zelda driving a Zephyr,

zipping away from the zoo,

Zelda’s zister Zoe Zebra zonked out

catching Zs.




Hard to believe it’s been over four years since I used this site! I’ve deleted all the rubbish that was here and will be posting some newer material in the coming  days and weeks!